Advertise With Us

You’ve got to love those TELEMARKETERS

10:05 PM. Exhausted after a hard day, had just dozed off. Telephone jangles.
Sleepily, “Hello, it’s your dime, talk.”
Syrupy voice, “Is this William York?”

Bill York

“I’m sure it is.”
“Hi. May I call you, Bill?”
“Sure,” I said, wondering.
“Bill, congratulations, you have been selected to receive 4 free dance lessons from Artistic dance studio.”
I said, “So?”
“Bill, Artistic is the premier dance studio in this area.”
“What’s your name, honey?”
“My name is Ann,” real sultry voice.
I took the phone to the kitchen and plugged in the coffee.
“So, what’s this great freebie?”
“Bill, you must come into our studio and meet our luscious instructors.”
I grabbed a stale doughnut.
“Are they real purty?” My redneck talk shows up sometimes.
“You’ll see when you come in,” she purred.
“I’ve been thinking about purty girls ever since my wife left.”
“Sorry about your marriage.”
“Oh, she just went to the grocery.”
“I thought you were serious.”
“I’ve been thinking about learning to tap dance. That would be cool.”
“I enjoyed watching Gene Kelly.”
“How much to learn to dance in the rain?” I poured a cup.
“We have options. 10 lessons will be $100, but remember 4 are free.”
“That’s great. We are wealthy. I can afford anything.”
“You really will enjoy dancing so much you might want a longer series.”
“What else goes with that series?” I giggled.
“You’ll find out.” She was teasing me.
“When can I start?”

“Any time. How many lessons will you want?”
“I’d like two a week for a year.” I could sense joy in her voice. Bingo! Big commission.
“Bill, you can join our girls on world cruises.”
“My wife won’t like that.”
“You can bring her along.”
“She’s not that much fun.”
“You can Samba, Tango and Charleston. Think of being in a line of exquisite girls doing the Bunny Hop.”
I chuckled again. “Can I learn to waltz?” My eyelids are droopy. She was vamping me like Lorelei got to Jason.
11:10. One hour of professional hustling.
The coffee was cold’
“For someone special like you, I suggest the five-year plan.”
“How much will it cost, honey?”
“Going to parties and world trips with our voluptuous girls it will cost you only $7500.”
“What does that word voluptuous mean?”
“You know, chesty, Bill.” She really giggled.
I said, “OOOOHHH! When do I pay?”
“You can bring a cashier check when you come if for your free lessons.”
I emptied the coffee pot.
“Bill, did you hear me?”
“Yes, ma’am, I did.” I checked the time. It was getting late.
“My wife just came in. Let me check with her.”
“She’s a tightwad and awfully jealous.”
Maybe a minute went by.
It was 12:15. Two hours of great entertainment but it was time for Taps.
I turn on the TV. A piece of doughnut got stuck in my throat
I hung up the phone
Telemarketers are great fun.

Bill is a 92-year old WW II Navy veteran and retired President of York Furs in Buckhead. You can contact him by email at